I am feeling…

A little bit intimidated. Is this what your 20s are about? Do you just float around waiting for an opportunity to pass you by, praying one does and moaning when it actually happens? Are your 20s meant to be about panic and uncertainty and unadulterated fear???

Today all I can think about is what i’m going to do after study is over.

Okay so…what am I actually going to do?! What can I do that will make me feel okay and not in too much pain? How am I going to survive and all that jazz? I’m struggling to cope as it is. Being an adult is ridiculous.

I don’t even know what I need to do to get a job. I don’t even know what I want to do. (No. That’s a lie. I do want to win the lottery and pay for people to take me to hospital appointments and surround myself with fluffy cute animals and buy myself a house and put most of the remainder in the bank and live off the interest. That isn’t too much to ask, is it?? Surely not…)

Is it just me who is this confused? Will this pass? Will someone fix my body so I stop feeling scared about what’s going to happen to it? I do not want to adult today. It is not happening.

6 thoughts on “I am feeling…”

  1. Oh my lord.
    I didn’t even know that this is something I wanted to say. Like, I get it. Completely. Me too.
    I can’t even plan the next day that’s coming, because I don’t know if I’ll wake up feeling able to even walk down the stairs, or maybe, sometimes, a miracle happens and I feel like I could work full time, earn a boat load of money, move out, be independant, see friends and actually enjoy my 20s, like everyone else I know does!
    But they are few and far between, and it always has it’s consequences.
    I’m confused too. I don’t know if it will pass. I hope somebody can fix your body though. You sound like someone who really needs to be fixed.
    I hear you, anyway. I feel exactly the same. And I didn’t know it until I read it here – sad.
    Lots of love xo

  2. Oh my lord. I didn’t know that this was something I was thinking and feeling until I just read this. I hear you. I agree. It’s scary and it sucks. When you can’t plan anything for the very next day, as you’re never really sure if you’re going to be able to even walk down the stairs, let alone anything else. You wake up and you’re like man, is this it? But then, I don’t know about you. I get those days where I wake up and a miracle has happened. You make plans. You put make up on. You get dressed and reconnect with that friend you haven’t seen for months. You start thinking, oh my god, I’m fine. I can go home and apply for work, and I can plan social events, and spend time with my friends and family instead of hibernating in bed.
    And then you go to sleep that very same night, thinking, yay! But wake up and pay the physical and mental price for the eventful day before.
    And that’s it. Again. You think. This is it.
    And you have no clue, what the hell you’re going to do.
    It isn’t just you. I’m scared too. I don’t know if it will pass. And I don’t know if someone will fix your body.
    But I really hope they do.

    Lots of love.

    1. Hi there, many thanks for stopping by and following; I really appreciate it. I know, things can be really sad sometimes and unfortunately it hasn’t been great recently. I am hoping things will start looking up. Sending spoons and gentle hugs (if wanted). Thanks for stopping by, it means a lot 😊
      Heather x

      1. I hope they start looking up for you too. Extra spoons and hugs are always greatly welcomed and appreciated. I don’t get alot of love and support where I am, so I’m happy to have found it here. Lots of love. Hannah x

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