Who’d have thought we’d be in this position? We’ve been locked-down since the middle of March and life as we knew it has been turned upside-down.
The covid-19 pandemic has been a real roller-coaster of emotions for many. There have been unimaginable losses, a myriad of changes and acknowledgement that life may never be quite the same ever again.
Like many, I have been working from home for the past two months, and staying at home where possible. Although it has obviously been a real change to my daily life, there have been some unexpected positives that have come from all of this. I’m fortunate enough to be able to access therapy over video-calls, and being locked-down is reducing any outside stresses, allowing me to really focus on getting the most out of my sessions. It’s been one of the little silver linings I’ve seen peeking through, and I am going to grab this opportunity to reflect, heal, and learn with both hands.
My mental health story is something I have shared on no superhero before, but last year was a really pivotal time for me. I was diagnosed with complex PTSD (cPTSD, CPTSD, C-PTSD). Obtaining this diagnosis was key for me, as it helped me to start the long process of unravelling the mechanisms behind my mental health, my beliefs and my behaviours. 12 months on, I am acutely aware that this process will not be an easy one, nor a quick fix. It’s going to take a lot of time and effort. One day I’ll share a little bit more about cPTSD and my experiences, symptoms and story. But for now, as I sit in my flat surrounded by the things that spark happiness, warmth and love, I am feeling like I’m at a Good Point in my journey. It is possible to find some light amongst the dark. It is possible to unearth those silver linings. And I am going to make the most of them showing through.
I am writing to you in April 2020 and as far as I can tell, my last post was at the end of 2018. Now if that’s not a break from blogging, I don’t know what is.
My absence wasn’t deliberate or elaborately engineered (I promise!). I just think last year turned out to be a Very Big Year in lots of ways. Just to give you an idea of how hectic it was, here’s a list of some of the key events that happened in my life last year:
- bought a flat
- renovated the flat
- got a new job
- finally got targeted, specialised help for cPTSD (more on that later)
- ended a relationship
- started a relationship
- won some awards
- worked with various charities, publications and institutions
- did all the other Adult Things you’re meant to do
- managed to survive
- kept my guinea pigs alive
So…it was a lot. A. Lot.
2019 was a really pivotal year for me in a lot of ways. It was painful, transformative, exciting, and – to be quite honest – it was really blooming difficult.
2020 is turning out to be Quite the Year for all of us, I know, but I think 2019 was good preparation for me. When I give myself the time to gather my thoughts and think about how ridiculous the past couple of years have been, I am really quite baffled. There’s so much to address, I know I can’t fully explain it all in this measly, rambling post.
What I will say, is that I’m prepared to talk, and reflect, and consider. I am thinking of making some changes to nosuperhero: I am thinking I need to share what I’ve been doing a whole lot more (because although this little blog has been somewhat neglected, I’ve been doing plenty of work for other publications, charities and local committees). I am also thinking that nosuperhero.co.uk could do with a little update and makeover. I am also hoping that – even though my little blog has been a little sparse as of late – I can continue to work in this space, and continue to work towards making the world an altogether better place by sharing my stories, sharing my thoughts, and sharing my ramblings, no matter how uninteresting they may be.
So, a big hello from me. A big hello from nosuperhero.
It’s good to be back.