Cooking up an Easter Feast with Primula*

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Hello there! I have a little recipe for you today. I was kindly contacted by Holly a couple of weeks ago asking if I fancied coming up with some recipes using primula cheese; it was an offer I couldn’t refuse!

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I’ve made some recipes using primula cheese before and have been extremely impressed with the results. Admittedly before being contacted by Holly I’ve only ever thought of primula as a tasty sandwich filling or toast topper, but it turns out that with a little imagination primula can help you to create easy – and incredibly tasty – meals and snacks.

I decided to develop a series of dishes that could feature as part of a celebratory Easter menu, but that would easily translate into everyday dishes for when you’re feeling a little adventurous and in need of something a little different. Because of my hemi hand I really struggle to grate cheese: it sounds odd, but when one hand doesn’t want to cooperate it makes it hard to complete simple tasks. Primula cheese is fabulous for me because it’s very easy to add to many dishes due to its squeezy tube, and I have been finding it enjoyable in a variety of different things. 

Today’s installment of the menu is the starter, and would also make a really tasty (and easy) midday dinner for a family.

Primula Puff Pastry Tart

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Ingredients
A roll of ready made puff pastry (don’t bother making it yourself. Ease is key here!)
Three sliced large tomatoes,
Half a tube of original Primula cheese,
One finely chopped spring onion,
A handful of crispy bacon pieces (lardons are also ideal),
Olive oil,
Cracked black pepper,
Finely chopped fresh parsley to garnish,
Salad leaves to serve (optional).

Method

1. Roll out your puff pastry sheet; this should be fairly easy. If frozen make sure it’s fully defrosted before trying to unfurl it, or it will crack. Place the pastry onto a sheet of baking paper and place onto a baking tray.

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2. Prepare your fresh ingredients, and fry off the bacon (or lardons) until crispy. Preparation before hand will make assembly of the tart a lot easier!

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3. Spread approximately half a tube of Primula onto the pastry, making sure to leave space to form a lovely crispy crust.

4. Sprinkle on your chopped bacon and spring onion and layer your tomato slices over the top, ensuring you leave the edges free of ingredients once more. Season with pepper to taste, drizzle the tomatoes with olive oil and place in an oven heated to 180° celcius/gas mark 4/5.

5. Cook for around 20-30 minutes, or until the pastry is golden and crisp, but make sure you keep an eye on it to avoid burning the edges. Once removed from the oven sprinkle liberally with parsley or another herb of your choice; basil would also be a delicious addition.

6. Cut up into slices; ours was cut into six generous slices but would easily feed more if the portions were made smaller. Serve hot from the oven or leave to cool and serve at room temperature with a crisp green salad on the side.

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I was really impressed with this, and I’m keen to try out some different toppings in the future; the possibilities seem (almost) endless!

I hope you enjoyed this first installment. Keep your eye out for more recipes using Primula cheese over the next couple of weeks…I have lots of cooking to do!

I hope you’re having a great Sunday whatever you’re doing, and let me know if you give this a try; I’d love to see what you think!
Heather x

Cerebral Palsy: some things to know

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Hello there. I’m afraid this is only going to be a quick post because I’m currently wrapped up in a blanket trying to get pain/fatigue under control!

I currently volunteer for Scope on their online forum as a Community Champion, which is really lovely as I get to chat with a variety of people from a variety of backgrounds. Scope is one of the UK’s leading charities for supporting disabled people and their families, and their website and blog has a wealth of information about certain conditions and I thought it’d be great to share some information with you regarding cerebral palsy, which is often misunderstood.

You can find out more here.

Why not come and join in on our online community? We’re a lovely bunch, honestly!

Hope your Friday is going well,
Heather x

Acceptance: Learning to Thrive

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Hello there. I hope you’re having a wonderful day. It’s been fairly productive today which is really good for me; I’ve managed to get some work done, gone food shopping and done general errands, but as a result I’m now slumped on the sofa desperate for bed. It sounds like I’m being a little dramatic, but doing the ‘everyday-stuff’ – you know, the boring Adult stuff – can often be the hardest for me.

I can cope with my university work; I do a research degree at my own pace. I can cope with my occasional volunteering and of course I love writing this. But it’s the everyday things, the essential things that are becoming more and more difficult to keep on top of. Washing clothes, hoovering up, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning the kitchen, preparing and eating meals…these just take me ages and completely wear me out.

By the time I do all these things, my university work  and social activities, I’m pretty much exhausted.

When I was younger I suppose I didn’t realise just how much I relied on my mum and family to do things. Loading the washing machine for example leaves me in agony. I struggle to use both hands, so even just washing pots and pans and hand drying them is a gargantuan effort. Hanging up clothes to dry and then folding them away when you have half a body that doesn’t cooperate as you wish is physically draining.

And don’t even get me started on how I feel emotionally about all this. I can guarantee it wouldn’t make for cheery reading.

When I started university I realised that living independently is difficult. There’s lots of little things that need to be done during the day and when you don’t feel up to it – because of pain, or tiredness, or low mood – it’s all too easy to leave. And thus you enter a vicious cycle of accumulating mess/paperwork/laundry and no one wants that.

I started seeing an occupational therapist for the first time ever this year. I don’t know why, but despite my cerebral palsy diagnosis I’ve never seen one (and the repercussions of that belong in a different post entirely!). Seeing occupational therapists has genuinely changed my life. I never realised I was entitled to living aids. I never understood why I found everything so hard, but it was all explained to me. Seeing occupational therapists has been genuinely fantastic. Initially it was extremely daunting having someone come round to tell me that I needed extra help and things to help me around the house, and I found this hard to admit.

Someone once told me that getting help was giving in, and that’s always stuck with me.

Only recently have I come to realise that getting help is far from giving in; they enable me to live more independently. Using aids – a seat in the shower, a rail on my bed, a perch stool for cooking – lets me do the everyday things when I’m too exhausted to stand up or when I’m in severe pain. I can cook knowing I can sit down. I can grab a rail and get out of bed even when my body is resisting. It’s amazing.

The occupational therapist who visited my flat gave me a catalogue full of helpful living aids and I’ve been flicking through it circling the amazing things available. There’s chopping boards with spikes on so you don’t have to hold food whilst chopping it, and ‘easy reachers’ that mean I can pick stuff up without bending over and being in unnecessary pain. I’m realising I’m finally ready to accept this; I’m finally ready to accept that by getting these things to make life easier I’ll be living my life to the full.

It is not weak to accept help.

I don’t want to limit myself and my choices in life. I want what everybody wants; I want to happy.  I am taking the steps towards acceptance.

I am learning to thrive, and I will get there.

I hope you’re having a fantastic evening,

Heather x

 

 

Happiness is…

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The blossom on the trees, bright sunny days, the jolt of caffeine in my morning coffee, the smell of baking bread, laughing with my mum, the smell of well-loved books, the scrawl of bright blue ink from my pen, the crinkle of a packet.

What I’m Reading

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Hello there. I’m writing on a crisp bright Tuesday, and it has just turned midday. I had a hospital appointment this morning and treated Drew to a cooked breakfast to say thank you for accompanying me.

It’s nice to get appointments out of the way in the morning, as it gives me plenty of time in the afternoon to study. For those of you unaware, I’m currently studying for my MRes degree in English Literature, and the majority of my degree classification relies on my 30000 word dissertation. I’m particularly interested in the depiction of difference through literature, and as such my wider reading reflects this concept. The books I’m currently reading are a mixture of books used for my dissertation and for pleasure, but admittedly they all have similar themes (mostly because I’m so interested in them!). 

(Ed.) Garland Thomson, Rosemarie (1996)

Freakery: Cultural Spectacles of the Extraordinary Body
New York University Press

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As a collection of essays from various authors, Freakery explores the concept of freakishness through historical, cultural and literary perspectives. As the study of bodily difference is a new and dynamic field, this comprehensive collection of essays provides a brilliant introduction to the concept of the corporeal Other. Though it is useful to have an awareness of the work of Goffman and his theories regarding stigma and bodily difference, Freakery provides a great starting point for those wishing to learn more about the concept of bodily freakishness that continues to be of prevalence within contemporary society.

Nihn, Bao (1993)
The Sorrow of War
Vintage

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Nihn’s Sorrow has been on my ‘To Read’ list for quite some time. During my A-Levels I began to develop an interest in war literature, and Nihn’s novel is – rather sadly – based upon his own experiences of serving in the Vietnam War, where he returned as only one of ten survivors from his battalion. Incredibly moving and oftentimes disturbing, Sorrow has often been likened to All Quiet on the Western Front. I can’t wait to finish this , and I’m sure it’ll be a novel that’ll stay with me for a while after reading.

Wurtzel, Elizabeth (1998)
Prozac Nation: Young and Depressed in America
Quartet Books

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This was a charity shop find, and to be honest I picked it up on a whim not expecting an awful lot. My undergrad dissertation focused on the relationship between mental illness and the body, and naturally I was drawn to something like this. Prozac Nation is actually a memoir, where Wurtzel discusses her struggles with mental illness as a teenager. Described as ‘Sylvia Plath with the ego of Madonna,’ Wurtzel uses a no holds barred approach to discuss her struggles with mental illness and her progression to improved mental health. A couple of trigger warnings, however: she does discuss self-harm and aspects of her own suicidality, so do be mindful of this if you’re wanting to give it a read. A darkly-comic read that is sure to resonate with many.

I am reading lots of different books at the minute, but thought it might be good to share a select few. Are you into reading? Let me know what you’re loving at the minute.

Have a great Tuesday afternoon whatever you’re up to,
Heather x

Pain, Pacing and Piggies

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Today has been one of those days.

I woke up this morning feeling as if someone had beaten me up as I slept. I tentatively opened my eyes, grabbed for my glasses, struggled to pull myself up out of bed and slowly waddled into the living room.

I just knew how this day would turn out.

Drew handed me a coffee and I swallowed down three pills – codeine and celecoxib – sat on the sofa, and eagerly awaited some relief. I waited. I took out a guinea pig to cuddle (great therapy) and waited.

Nothing changed.

Days like these are frustrating.

The most frustrating thing about chronic pain is its unpredictability. Of course there’s particular activities that are bound to aggravate my back pain – and annoyingly standing/sitting too long is one such ‘activity’ – but sometimes the pain just comes out of nowhere.

I must admit though, I don’t always help myself.

For years I didn’t really face up to the pain issue. I’d do things without thinking and then suffer the consequences. I’d go out shopping in town all day and deal with the fact I’d be up all night in agony.

It didn’t occur to me then how destructive this was.

For some reason, I seemed content with punishing myself. I’d blame myself for having ’caused’ the pain, and then tell myself I had to deal with it. Although I’ve been prescribed analgesia since I was thirteen, I did anything to avoid using it. The pain was ‘my fault’ and ‘my problem’, and I wasn’t going to take the ‘easy’ option by taking some painkillers.

Incredibly destructive (and completely untrue).

I’m not sure when my attitude changed with regards to taking medication (although Drew will probably tell you I’m still incredibly stubborn when it comes to this) but one thing that hasn’t completely changed is pushing myself.
Let me explain.

Mistake #1

Yesterday I went into university and got out a couple of books from the library. I put these into my handbag, and decided to walk home.

Mistake #2

On the way home I pass lots of shops. I rang up Drew (I was feeling peckish) and asked if I needed to pick anything up. We needed milk, so I popped into a shop, grabbed a basket and some milk.

Mistake #3

There were so many things on offer I just couldn’t resist having a look and more and more items ended up in my basket. I got to the till, paid and walked out of the store feeling grateful for the wonder that is Heron Foods (and its vast selection of biscuits)

Mistake #4

I decide to walk the rest of the way home despite the fact I felt like my shoulder was being pulled out of the socket. I had bought far too much but I was already halfway there…besides, asking Drew to come and meet me would be a huge inconvenience.

Mistake #5

I continued to walk home whilst struggling – having to stop every couple of pages to catch my breath – and still this wasn’t ‘enough’ to ring Drew for a bit of assistance. I finally made it home, looking like I’d been dragged through a hedge backwards. Breathlessly, I rang the doorbell and stumbled through the front door, collapsed on the sofa and moaned about my throbbing spine.

Drew made sure to remind me how ridiculous I’d been.

This kind of thing happens far too often. I don’t know why I do this; I know it makes absolutely no sense at all, and of course I ended up paying for it for the rest of the day.

Pacing is a phrase banded around a lot in the spoonie community (see here) and consists of prioritising activities ensuring you don’t run out of energy by doing too much at once. I’m all too aware of this but I haven’t really grasped it yet.

I’m 22 and always want things done now.

It’s difficult to accept that sometimes things have to be done differently, and right now I feel like I’m taking one step forward and three steps back. I think that’s why I’m really struggling. I am trying to get better, but sometimes I really can’t help myself; I can’t shake the desire to be ‘normal’, to not worry about my every activity and how it’s going to affect me.

It’s such a vicious cycle, because my depression and anxiety fluctuates when I’m like this. I really really need to learn.

I’m currently curled up on the sofa wrapped up in a blanket, dosed up on codeine cuddling my guinea pigs and wondering when I’ll change my attitude for good and realise I need to look after myself a whole lot more.

I hope it’s soon.

Heather x

Heavenly Feet with Nine to Five Heels*

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Hello there, lovely reader. Today I have a lovely little review for you all. Before Christmas (which seems like so long ago!) I was contacted by the lovely Alison on behalf of Nine to Five Heels, which has launched a brand new range of insoles to make even the most devilishly painful shoes a delight to wear. I explained to Alison that my cerebral palsy causes issues with my feet and walking, and she said these would be perfect for me. I couldn’t wait to try them out!

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The packaging used for these was absolutely wonderful! A beautifully wrapped, exciting package packed with care is something I always appreciate. The crinkly pink tissue paper housed the insoles, which were helpfully packaged in rather beautiful cartons. These packages explain the idea behind the insoles, where ‘…leading UK podiatrists have been working hard…to create insoles that really do make killer shoes heavenly to wear.’ I admit, I’m not one for wearing heels every day. My hemiplegia makes this too painful and tricky, but I am a huge fan of my Dr Martens heeled boots (they’re the Marcy design i believe) and trying these out in heeled boots was the perfect experiment.

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As you can see above, this particular pair is clear and gives you instructions telling you where to place them into your shoes. What I noticed was a strong peppermint smell, which I found unusual at first, but it’s a great way to keep everything feeling fresh when on your feet all day. Don’t worry; people won’t be commenting on the peppermint smell when they’re in your shoes!

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The insoles are extremely flexible and will fit into any shoe regardless of heel height. The groves in the insole cradle your feet in the best way, allowing you to stay comfortably on your feet even after the longest days.

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I also received a wonderful little manicure set to keep my feet looking fabulous! How gorgeous is that?!

I received the insoles in two colours – black and clear – and there’s a third option in a gorgeous bright pink if that takes your fancy.

I am really enjoying these insoles, and in fact I have even taken to using them in my regular non-heeled shoes! They just wash clean when needed and are an absolute joy to wear.

Thanks so much to Alison for this beautiful package. I am completely converted!

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Why not check out their product range here?

I hope you’re having a fabulous weekend whatever you’re up to.
Heather X

Money Matters: Things I’ve Learnt

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Hello there! Today is a happier post (which I’m sure you’re pleased to read) and it’s something I’ve been meaning to write up for a while. If you’ve been reading you’ll know I’m a postgraduate student, and have been at university for the past few years. Learning how to manage your finances is a really big part of learning to become independent, and I was fortunate enough to learn a few hand money-related hints from my dad.

I am by no means an expert, but maybe these hints can provide some inspiration and – hopefully – leave you with a little more money in your pocket!

Saving

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My dad instilled me with the desire to save as much money as I can. I remember counting hundreds of copper coins and placing them into plastic, crinkly money bags, ready to deposit into my savings account. I used to love watching the money accumulate in my pass book, and though this was petty change, it most certainly added up.

Saving as much money as I can means I always have a bit of money to use in emergencies, or for unexpected expenses. Of course, it isn’t always possible to save lots of money in one go, but saving small amounts will soon add up.

If you have money you’re in no hurry to use, an ISA is a fabulous way to save and add a little interest. I’ve always had an ISA, and it’s lovely to know it’s there. You can’t access an ISA once you’ve deposited money into it, and as such it can sometimes be years before the ISA matures, so it can be a long-term commitment. However, it is a great little way of saving money especially if you’re in no rush to access it.

Budgeting

Having budgets for essential items is key to getting the most out of my money. I have £50 a week set aside for food, travel, prescriptions and essential toiletries and household items. £50 seems like a fairly large sum initially, but I remember how surprised I was in first year when I realised it can disappear extremely quickly! Food shopping can be tricky; there’s so many offers and discounts, and these aren’t necessarily essential or of genuine value. I soon learnt that I needed a list when going shopping to prevent me from picking up anything that took my fancy without buying what I actually needed!

These days I love to shop online, and I still use a list. It’s also easier to see how much you’re spending as the total cost of the items are calculated instantly. Some online shopping providers also allow you to reorder the same order, so if you’re shopping for all the essentials you know what you will be getting every time.

Trying none-branded items is also a really good money saving tip. Most of the time I can barely tell the difference, and yet none-branded items are sometimes incredibly cheap compared to their branded counterparts.

Ditch the Plastic

Using a debit card is ridiculously easy to do without thinking of what you’re spending, and although I tried to keep an eye on I was spending, it somehow didn’t quite sink in because I couldn’t see the money actively disappear. I soon started withdrawing my weekly budget in cash; it’s amazing how aware you become of your money when it’s a tangible object! By withdrawing my weekly budget it helps me to keep an eye on my spends. It’s far too easy to overspend when using my debit card, and withdrawing my money allows me to save all the coppers and petty change in my piggy bank.

If you’re keen on saving for the future – it’s never too early – why not check out Personal Capital’s Retirement Planner? I’m not quite preparing for retirement yet (there’s a lot to get through first!) but I do love keeping an eye on my finances; you never know what will happen in the future, and being money-savvy and financially prepared can only be a good thing!

Online banking is an easy way to keep tabs on your account transactions on the go, and it’s really important to ensure you are aware of your savings. It’s all too easy to spend without keeping an eye on things, but I’ve found regular checking of my account helps me to understand my spending habits. I try and devote a little time every week to work out what I’ve spent and where I’ve spent it, and if I’ve spent more than I’d hoped, I try to spend less the following week to make up for it.

Planners devoted to financial planning can be really useful, and some organisers allow you to add sections to help with finance. I live out of my Filofax, and these additions to diaries and organisers are a great way to keep tabs on everything.

Cook from Scratch

It can be difficult to cook from scratch – especially if you have other commitments – but cooking from scratch is another great way of saving pennies. Bread making for example is incredibly easy, and flour is very cheap, and making bread from scratch is incredibly satisfying. Soups are another easy and cheap food to make at home. Takeaways and ready meals are convenient but are far less healthy, so I try to keep these as a treat. Cooking is easy once you learn how, and I love knowing exactly what is going into my food.

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I also love to bake my own cakes, and again these can be a lot cheaper than shop-bought bakery items. If you shop carefully you can soon see the pennies adding up!

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Quality Over Quantity

I’m like most people, and I love updating my wardrobe every now and then. However, if I’m not careful I soon find I end up spending money on items I don’t necessarily need just because they’re in the sale or discounted in price. Instead of buying clothes for the sake of it, I make sure I really need the items before spending money on them. I’m also really keen on spending my money on quality items that I know will last. They might be more expensive upfront, but they’re more likely to stand the test of time. This is especially true of T-shirts in my experience, and I always prefer to spend my money on fewer higher quality items.

I hope this post has given you a little money saving inspiration! As I say, I’m no expert, but these tips have helped me through my student days!

Hope you’ve had a great Wednesday!
Heather X

Inadequate

htlcy5 Comments

I am struggling recently.

At the minute, I literally see no redeeming features in myself. I feel ugly. My acne is coming back. I hate the way my crooked spine looks in the mirror. I hate the way I get frustrated with the pain and cry. I hate the way I’m taking tablets to ease the pain and hate the way they don’t always work.

I hate the fact I cannot control my body, no matter how hard I try. I wake up in pain, and o fall asleep with pain.

I hate that my automatic response is to push everything I love away. I hate that I can’t concentrate on anything for more than five minutes at a time.
I hate that I’m at multiple hospitals and doctors appointments every week.
I have no faith in my academic abilities, or my social relationships, or any other extra curricular thing I attempt to do.

I hate that when I’m happy – or when there is a glimmer of happiness – that these thoughts come rushing back.

The ones that tell me I do not deserve happiness. I do not deserve success. I do not deserve love.

The ones that tell me, over and over, that I deserve this pain I’m in. I deserve this pain because I’m such an awful person.

I am just so fed up. I keep going round in circles and I can’t keep doing it. I can’t. This is all too much.

I just want to be far away from all this madness. Somewhere free of responsibility, free of doctors prescribing new medication or performing new treatments or trying their best to fix me.

I am just overwhelmed by how inadequate I feel.

I just want it to stop.