Informative posts – Page 2

Anxiety and Depression Toolkit

May 11, 2015December 4, 2015 htlcy9 Comments

Hi guys, so sorry for the lack of posts recently. It’s been super hectic here since I’m coming to the end of my final year but I thought I’d just write a quick post documenting a few things that have helped me through the most difficult phases of my anxiety & depression. I like to call it my ‘toolkit’. Please bear in mind that though these things often work for me, they might not work for everyone. If you’ve been reading you might be aware I’ve recently started on regular medication to keep my anxiety and depression under control, but these things were somewhat helpful prior to starting my medication. I’m hoping it might give anyone out there who’s struggling at least a couple of ideas!

Above are a few little herbal remedies. Now, I’m not one to say these seriously work. However, I gave them a go. And though I can’t say whether the herbal remedies themselves did anything, just carrying these things with me and using them from time to time made me feel as if I was at least slightly in control. My favourite is Bach’s Rescue Remedy. Just the act of spraying it on my tongue seemed to calm me down slightly. It’s got quite a bitter taste; it isn’t really pleasant, but it seemed to snap me out of anxiety attacks in particular. I didn’t have much luck with Kalms, though. In the little bag are my worry dolls. For someone who is quite logical and often extremely rational, it might sound a little weird that I’d carry these around. And again, it’s not like I seriously believe they work, but carrying my worry dolls with me made me feel at least slightly in control. When I have them with me, I always feel comforted. Think of them as a lucky charm.

Above I have my little notebook. When I was having counselling, my counsellor suggested to carry around a little notebook to note down when I’d have anxiety attacks. As soon as I could write in my notebook, I did, and I’d list a) what is was that triggered my attack, b) how the attack made me feel, c) what I did to try and calm down and d) reflections on the situation and now I’d try to avoid a similar situation in the future. This tactic was really helpful for me as i learnt when things were more likely to trigger my anxiety in public. It also helped me to come to terms with the fact that some things do trigger an anxiety attack, but that once it’s over, I’ll be okay. I really recommend this technique. I bought this small notebook from TK Maxx and it was small enough to fit into my pocket. Even though my medication has helped me tremendously, I still like to carry my notebook around just in case I ever need to use it again.

Above is my Aston Filofax in Orchid leather. I love my Filofax; I plan my life in it and it really helps to give me a sense of routine and structure. When I was at my lowest points, my filofax became very important for instilling structure and routine into my schedule. It was also helpful to make plans well in advance (spontaneity is not my strong point). I also find making to-do lists really helps to calm my nerves as I can cross off tasks when they’re completed. This Filofax was a Christmas present but I know they’re not cheap. However I’ve had it for years now and I honestly couldn’t live without it. My paper refills this year were from paperchase (and I think they’re rather gorgeous!).

Reading is a great way to relax. Though I was initially reluctant to get one, (I’m a huge fan of paper books…they’re such a pleasure) my kindle is absolutely fantastic as it means I can carry literally hundreds of books with me at any time. I love my kindle and it has really helped me get through anxious days.

Using candles with comforting scents is such a luxury, but it’s definitely something I appreciate when I’ve had a hard day. Yankee Candles are exceptional, with gorgeous scents and a great throw. The scents really fill the entire room. Fluffy Towels is a very comforting, fresh and clean scent. It smells like freshly washed laundry. It sounds odd, but I promise It is very relaxing.

Finally, I like to remind myself that things will be okay, no matter how bad I’m feeling right now. If you’re struggling with anxiety and depression, just know you can get through it. I’ve achieved so much since starting my medication and I’m really proud of myself. You just need to find what works for you, but I promise you’ll get there. I hope these ideas are even just a tiny bit helpful.

Remember to look after yourself.
Heather x

Happiness is…

April 15, 2015April 15, 2015 htlcyLeave a comment

This post will be an amalgamation of things that have made me happy over the past few days. I did say I’d post every day but since I’m in my third year of university I’m currently swamped with essay writing and reading (so I’m not surprised it didn’t last). However, here’s some happy things:

1) getting on track to sort out my anxiety/depression (FINALLY). I’m now feeling so much more positive and I’m hoping I’ll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel soon

2)eating my only easter egg of the year

3)cooking a tasty dinner of pan-fried salmon fillet with mash, samphire and homemade lemon-cream sauce. It was really delicious and such a treat

4) going to the pub for a few drinks with friends. Even though there was an incident that made me feel very uncomfortable and anxious, I got through it and still had a good time overall

5)bumping into friends I don’t see very often. It’s always a lovely surprise.

What’s made you happy recently?

Heather

9th April, 2015

April 9, 2015April 9, 2015 htlcyLeave a comment

Hello there, you lovely reader. If you’ve been catching up with my blog this week you’ll have noticed that I’ve been doing ‘Happiness is…’ posts to try and get me to focus on the happy things in my day-to-day life. I think when you deal with anxiety & depression on a daily basis you really need a reminder of the good things. It’s all too easy to get stuck in that suffocating perpetual darkness. However I’m doing a slightly different post right now because today has been really difficult and I think talking through it might prove somewhat cathartic.

My anxiety today was really, really bad. You know when you can feel it coming, so you desperately attempt to suppress it but find out it’s going to burst through anyway? Yes? That was today. It all started with a few events from yesterday. Last night I burnt my wrist on my left hand. I am left-handed but I also have a mild form of spastic hemiplegia (a form of cerebral palsy) in my right side. The easiest way to describe this is as if it’s a stroke; it’s exactly the same kind of thing, but because the brain injury occurred before my birth, it’s classed as cerebral palsy. Because of this hemiplegia it’s difficult to use my right hand, arm, leg and foot so burning myself fairly badly on my good wrist was completely stupid and silly. Of course I didn’t do it on purpose, but I wish I’d have been a bit more careful. Sigh.

So this morning in the shower I had to dangle my burnt left wrist out of the cubicle, whilst I attempted to wash my hair etc. with my hemi hand. This proved difficult, so much so I gave up after trying to lather the shampoo in my hair for 15 mins. I rinsed myself as quickly as I could and got out. I was frustrated with it. Having hemiplegia is really annoying and I didn’t realise how much I rely on my left hand until today. It’s almost like there’s a loose connection in my right hand, because you know what you want your hand/leg to do but it isn’t quite doing it. It’s like there’s something missing, something absent, something wired incorrectly.

Because of this I think I felt a whole lot worse than usual. Additionally, I had a bad, anxious night last night. So I shouldn’t be surprised that today was terrible, but there you go. I headed out to get my burn looked at in the pharmacy, having done my make up nicely (or so I hoped). Things were relatively fine with the anxiety until I realised I’d been sold the wrong type of product for my burn. Then, I tried to apply the thing I’d bought to my burn with my hemi hand. Needless to say I couldn’t do this very well so gave up. This further added to my frustration and because my anxiety was bad anyway, it started to worsen as I left the pharmacy. I was focussed on getting home, but generally I was okay if not a little annoyed that the product was not what I had wanted despite having asked for it.

A minute or so down the road, a balloon popped in my left ear as I walked past a cafe. This proved to be the last straw.

If anyone knows anything about neurological disorders, you’d know they often come with a healthy heightened startle reflex. Basically I jump at a lot of noises people wouldn’t even bat an eyelid at. Balloons popping, fireworks, gunshot and other loud bangs are really bad and I jump very suddenly. I can’t help it; I can’t predict if or when it’s going to happen. Some days I’m worse than others. It makes your heart beat really fast, gives you a feeling of fear and panic and becomes unbearable. Anxiety makes this reaction even worse as I’ve found out. I started to panic, I was really fearful and upset and I just needed to get out of the situation. I started to cry, things had got too much and I didn’t know what to do. I was alone. I tried to ring Drew but there was no answer. I cried so much I could feel my mascara running into my eyes and down my cheeks. I know I must’ve looked an absolute mess.

I hurried home to get to a safe spac, when luckily Drew rang back. He calmed me down, and I managed to stop panicking. I couldn’t believe it. Why had this happened? With my counselling a regular thing, I thought I’d got past this stage. It wasn’t just embarrassing, but incredibly disappointing. I feel like I’ve taken one step forward and ten steps back.

So today has not at all been very happy. I did manage to get some reading done, however, so that was a bit of a relief. I just wish I could get over these situations and get on with living life, without having to worry about popping into a shop or bumping into someone or any other trivial, silly thing. I’m hoping that tomorrow I’ll have some happy things to share with you.

I’m sorry for my long, poorly-articulated rant. I’m currently in bed surrounded by soft toys and Chinese takeaway, so please do excuse me.
I hope your Thursday has been a little bit more positive. I’m hoping tomorrow will be a brighter day.

Heather

On the Mend

March 18, 2015March 18, 2015 htlcyLeave a comment

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here, and for that I do apologise. Things have been extremely busy with university study, but I thought now would be apt to share my recent experiences particularly with regards to the counselling treatment I’ve started (see https://nosuperhero.wordpress.com/2015/02/28/validation/ ). I have to say I didn’t really know what to expect when it came to my first session; the only ‘insight’ I’ve had into counselling/therapy consisted of jokey allusions to it via shows such as Family Guy which is perhaps rather unfortunate. The set up was what I expected though: me and the counsellor in a small room, perhaps with a cup of tea, boxes of tissues and sheets of paper to fill out. My first steps into the room were apprehensive ones. Though I knew it was an amazing thing to have got there, I still wanted to turn back and leave. I wanted to turn around, run through the front door and seamlessly merge back into the crowds walking the streets of Hull; I didn’t want to have my life probed and picked apart. I knew though that there was no going back. This could prove to be the beginning of something wonderful, something life-changing.

After completing the mandatory paperwork (filling out scales 1-10, ‘how easy has it been for you to get out and about? etc) the session started. Almost immediately afterwards, the tears began to flow. Tears not only of anxiety and sadness and frustration, but tears of relief. Someone was sat in front of me who genuinely seemed to express an interest and concern for my life. They made me feel (for once!) at ease somewhat. And most of all, things started to make sense. I’ve had two sessions so far and I’d like to think I’m finally on the right track, or at least headed in the right direction, whichever that is. I’m under no illusions. I know this will take time and although each session has been emotionally exhausting, I just feel like for once I can see a glimpse of light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. It’s a glimmer of light I couldn’t be happier to see.

Here’s to hope and new beginnings…

Heather

bad day

February 11, 2015 htlcyLeave a comment

As I sit here typing this I can see the dull gloom of the sky outside, and the flickering light of candles on a desk. The landscape reflects my mood; the sun is absent, not even a patch of blue is to be seen and the sky is so overwhelmingly grey. Today is a grey day, and my mood seems similar. I feel dejected, stressed, tired and everything else that comes along with it. I’m at a stage where I’m really resenting things. I resent my body; I resent my body right now because I wake up in pain and I fall asleep in pain, it hurts to walk and it hurts to sit, and all the silly, mundane things that need doing in everyday life seem impossible and difficult. Washing my clothes is an ordeal, making my bed is a challenge, and cleaning the house leaves me in so much pain I can’t do anything for the remainder of the day. I feel hopeless. I feel ashamed of my body, and even more ashamed of the way it makes me feel. Today the pain in my body is taking it’s toll. I feel robbed of the opportunity to do things without having to think of their consequences. I am constantly weighing up the pros and cons of analgesia, knowing that either way I can’t win. Today I am realising that I struggle and it’s the struggle that’s the hardest to address. I am stubborn; but there’s only so much I can take on the bad days.

I’m hoping for a brighter tomorrow.

Things I’ve been reading (and loving)

February 6, 2015 htlcyLeave a comment

This week marked the final semester of my undergraduate study at university. I find this simultaneously scary and exciting; it provides a glimpse into the real world, yet I still find myself amidst the safe perimeter of university life. Third year thus far has been enjoyable. I’m lucky to have taken some fantastic, thought provoking modules on my English Literature course. A highlight has been Post-9/11 Literatures of the U.S, which has enabled me to study a variety of post-9/11 texts alongside a variety of philosophical and political texts addressing 9/11 and the ‘War on Terror’ that followed. I have particularly enjoyed Don DeLillo’s Falling Man, a novel with an almost circular narrative, which explores the impact of the attacks using a plethora of characters and concepts. The final chapter is particularly hard-hitting, providing what one could mistakenly assume to be an accurate description of the very moment the plane hits the first of the towers to be attacked. Cormac McCarthy’s The Road, though perhaps not strictly a post-9/11 novel as it doesn’t address the attacks specifically, imagines and creates a post-apocalyptic American landscape where one assumes human conflict to be the contributing factor. It follows a nameless father and son, journeying down a road amidst the barren and desolate land. Save for a few precious relics of a life they once knew, the country is completely unrecognisable, and thus survival becomes increasingly difficult for the two. The narrative is littered with unimaginable horrors, yet the enduring love between father and son keeps them moving on the road. I was also introduced to Jean Baudrillard’s The Spirit of Terrorism, and Slavoj Žižek’s Welcome to the Desert of the Real. Each provided very interesting seminar discussion, and allowed us to analyse the novels on the module with alternative theories. Judith Butler’s Violence, Mourning, Politics further added to this, and much like Baudrillard’s and Žižek’s work, became a highlight of my studies on the module. We were also lucky enough to participate in a skype call with Alissa Torres, author of graphic novel American Widow. American Widow is an autobiographical work, documenting Alissa’s life before and after her husband’s death on 9/11. Intensely moving and in an unusual and interesting format, the book provides an alternative means of documenting the impact of 9/11 itself; something that has perhaps proved challenging to render into words. Below I will provide a list of texts I studied on the module. I recommend each and every one of them. Some address the attacks directly, whilst some provide an alternative critique of the occurence of 9/11 and the events that followed as a consequence.

The Submission, Amy Waldman

http://www.thesubmissionnovel.com/

http://www.theguardian.com/books/2011/aug/24/the-submission-amy-waldman-review

The Reluctant Fundamentalist, Mosin Hamid

http://www.theguardian.com/books/2007/mar/03/featuresreviews.guardianreview20

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer

http://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/jun/04/featuresreviews.guardianreview22

The Road, Cormac McCarthy

The Road

http://www.theguardian.com/books/2006/nov/04/featuresreviews.guardianreview4

American Widow, Alissa Torres, drawn by Sungyoon Choi

Falling Man, Don DeLillo

http://www.theguardian.com/books/2007/may/26/fiction.dondelillo

The Mutants, Joyce Carol Oates (short story)

The Things they Left Behind, Stephen King (short story)

http://stephenking.com/library/short_story/things_they_left_behind_the.html

The Spirit of Terrorism, Jean Baudrillard

http://www.versobooks.com/books/1197-the-spirit-of-terrorism

Welcome to the Desert of the Real, Slavoj Žižek

http://www.versobooks.com/books/1137-welcome-to-the-desert-of-the-real

‘Violence, Mourning, Politics’, Judith Butler

http://www.theguardian.com/books/2004/jun/05/politics

Holy Terror, Terry Eagleton

http://www.theguardian.com/books/2007/dec/16/martinamis

Do share any thoughts you have, it’s really interesting to hear from you. I hope you have a fantastic weekend!

Heather

A Quick Update

January 25, 2015 htlcyLeave a comment

As I write this it’s nearly 23.45 on a Sunday night, and whilst I’m having a break from essay writing I’d thought I’d provide a brief update. The past few weeks have been really, really hectic. I’m in my final year of undergraduate study at university, and though I do not think the work has necessarily become harder, I feel that there’s far more of it, resulting in later nights and earlier mornings. By the end of the next week I’ll have written close to 12,000 words, so I can’t wait to have a little break before resuming semester two. Studying with a chronic, long-term condition can be really very stressful, so I can’t wait to have a breather, take some analgesia and hopefully feel like myself again.

There’s LOADS of things I’d like to share on here, too. I’ve been lucky enough to have some great products that have really helped during this time. My dad knows how painful I find essay writing, and so he was kind enough to buy me a RelaxWell Dreamland throw which has become a new favourite of mine! I’ll let you know how I’ve been getting on with it.

I’ve also been slowly (yet surely) ploughing through my box of DeGusta goodies, and I’ll be able to update you on my progress with it. Food is definitely something I look forward to during an intensive assessment period, so it’s always wonderful to have a break, eat some really delicious food, and then have the energy to resume working. It almost makes the work bearable!

It is with regret I must finish this post and resume reading. I hope to update you all really soon, and look after yourselves until then.

Best wishes,

Heather

The Importance of Relaxation

December 20, 2014December 20, 2014 htlcyLeave a comment

I have to admit I’ve always been a stressed out, anxious person. It’s in my nature to worry about everything, and sometimes this worry is completely overwhelming and all-consuming. Coupled with chronic pain, my anxiety can spiral out of control. Being in pain almost constantly is physically exhausting, and can really affect you mentally. When I was younger I acted as if my cerebral palsy and Scheuermann’s didn’t exist. I think this was my ‘coping strategy’, but of course I wasn’t really coping with anything at all, I was just denying the existence of my medical conditions. Since moving to university I’ve recognised this, and during the past year or so I decided I needed to really work out a way of coping with the pain and stress that comes along with chronic medical conditions.

I cannot emphasise how extremely important it is to have rest days and to relax your body and mind if you’re dealing with a health condition such as cerebral palsy. Even if you’re not living with a chronic medical condition, you still need to give yourself time out to truly relax and to forget the worries in your life. When I was younger I thought it was perfectly fine to be completely wiped out from exhaustion after a day shopping, or to be in agonising pain after sitting to eat a meal in a restaurant. Yes, it’s normal for me to be in pain, but my body needs time to recuperate and get back to its normal self. There’s a few ways I do this, and I thought it would be a useful thing to share with you all.

Heat therapy is so relaxing. From a bubbly hot bath, to a hot water bottle and my trusty heat pad, heat therapy is soothing and relaxing for my body. I particularly like the homedics range and I own the shiatsu back massager, shiatsu neck massager and hand held massager with interchangable massaging heads. Below is a link to their products through boots: http://www.boots.com/en/Homedics/

I also love the heat packs that you heat in the microwave. I own a particularly cute one in the shape of a cuddly rabbit! These are relatively cheap compared to the homedics range, and can really help on sore days.

Having hot baths with some pamper goodies can really help me out, too. The Body Shop stock some gorgeous products and you can always find lots of voucher and discount codes online if you type in ‘body shop codes’ into your search engine. Using high quality pamper goodies doesn’t always have to break the bank, so stock up if there’s a particularly good offer on. Recently my boyfriend purchased £40 worth of products for £20, which is an absolute bargain!

I also love candles. When I’m needing a rest day, I’ll get some reading together and spend the whole day in bed, taking painkillers as and when I need to. Putting a few candles on can really create a lovely soothing atmosphere. I also love my mooncandles, which are flameless and battery operated. You can change the colours of the ‘candles’ using the remote they come with, and they’re really very pretty. I purchased mine from Tesco. You can also purchase them online. I apologise for the picture, but it’s very difficult to capture just how pretty they are on camera!

Having de-caffeinated drinks is a must when I’m feeling anxious or in a lot of pain. Though I thoroughly enjoy coffee and tea, I find herbal teas are particularly soothing on a stressful, painful day. I love Twinings Camomile and Honey, or the Twinings Peppermint Infusion. I was also introduced to Peanut Hottie at the Hull bloggers meet, and this is becoming a firm favourite. If you’re a fan of peanut butter, I suggest you give it a go!

For my 21st birthday, I was spoilt rotten by all my wonderful family and friends. My boyfriend did make me a desk top zen garden as one of my gifts, and I’ve found it a really lovely way to relax. I wouldn’t say I’m particularly into the concept of zen or Buddhism, but raking the sand whilst stressed is a great way to relax yourself. Plus, it makes for a very unique object and you can create lovely works of ‘art’ in the sand with a mini rake. Zen gardens are available to purchase ready made online, however my boyfriend made this out of a photo frame. He glued the glass into the frame and turned the frame over. All he had to do then was buy the sand and objects to go into the zen garden, and he let me assemble it myself. It’s such a thoughtful gift, and it’s a true pleasure to own it. For secret Santa, my housemate thoughtfully bought me an oil burner with a selection of essential oils. This is such a fantastic gift for me and the essential oils create a soothing atmosphere in my room. Alongside my zen garden, it creates my very own relaxing space, and it’s really great!

Buying a bouquet of flowers or a plant for my room instantly brightens up the place and so makes me feel more relaxed. I loved these gorgeous yellow roses. I arranged them in my marmite tea pot, and I thought they looked really lovely.

I hope I’ve given you some inspiration. Hopefully in no time you’ll have a relaxing place of your very own!

All the best for the rest of the weekend,
Heather

Life can be a pain, sometimes

November 13, 2014December 6, 2014 htlcy1 Comment

I say this with all seriousness. Life can be a pain for anyone, of course. There’s the usual stressors of everyday life, sometimes there’s issues with friends and family, and sometimes there’s problems at work.

However, for some people, life isn’t just a pain: life can be painful, too.

Having Scheuermann’s disease and cerebral palsy means that I live with chronic pain. Though it is a common misconception, having chronic pain doesn’t necessarily mean the pain is severe; it simply means that the pain lasts for an extended period of time (the word chronic is derived from the Greek ‘chronos’, meaning ‘time’). So, to put this into perspective from my point of view, if I’m talking about my back pain, I haven’t been free from that for over seven years now. That’s right. Seven years of pain occurring pretty much every day. So what does this constant pain mean? How do people living with chronic pain cope? And finally, how does it affect the way I live my life?

I’ve always found it difficult to articulate what living with chronic pain feels like. I’d like to say that the expectation of having pain is a constant thought in the back of my mind. Pain is the last thing I feel at night, and the first thing I wake up to in the morning. Yes, it hurts, of course it does, but there’s ‘good’ days and ‘bad’ days. There’s days where the pain is barely noticeable, but there’s days where the pain is all consuming and it stops me doing normal things. I like to think of my pain as a Bunsen burner flame. Like my pain, the Bunsen is always on; but the flame burns more strongly when you add oxygen to it. Like the flame, when I do too much (just adding more oxygen to the Bunsen) I can exacerbate my pain levels, and the pain becomes ‘stronger’ or worsens.

Sometimes this happens without prior warning. I don’t necessarily have to have done anything in particular to exacerbate my pain, (this can be really frustrating) but there is usually a reason why. Silly, I know, but sitting for an extended period can exacerbate my pain levels, as can standing for too long. I’m constantly needing to strike the perfect balance. If I go for a long walk, I have to be prepared that I may be in more pain as a result, from both my Scheuermann’s (abnormal curvature in my thoracic spine; I’ll explain all in a later post!) and cerebral palsy. It’s a really odd thing to talk about, and it sounds so silly, but I’m constantly aware that each day will bring different levels of pain. Being in constant pain means there are things I cannot always do, though when I was younger I tried to ignore the fact I wasn’t necessarily able to do everything that I’d like to. Going to the cinema is pretty painful, and as much as I like going out to eat in a restaurant, the extended period of time sat down means that can become quite a painful experience. I’ve recently had to accept that going out clubbing isn’t really the best thing for me. Being on your feet all night coupled with the fact you’re constantly being pushed into by drunk dancers doesn’t make for comfortable entertainment! Studying for university can become difficult, but I’ve learnt to deal with it by constantly working and reading, so that if I need to take a day off then I can.

There are various ways I cope with my chronic pain, so I’ll try to list them;

1) take painkillers as and when I need them.
I’m prescribed quite a hefty amount of analgesia, but only take tablets when I feel I can’t cope. I’m often described as having my very own pharmacy in my room, and I can’t necessarily dispute that!

2) use heat pads/various other heated products
I have a heat pad that brings great relief when I’m struggling. It’s basically like a miniature electric blanket and you can adjust the heat setting. My dad bought mine from Boots and it was such a great buy!

3) learn to take it easy
This has been really difficult for me. I’m quite an anxious person naturally so I tend to want to rush so that I get everything done as quickly as I can. In light of this I’ve learnt to give myself a break when I need it. Living with constant pain can be extremely draining both physically and mentally, and I need some quality time to recuperate.

4) have the occasional glass of wine
I’m not saying this and justifying it, however I have found that if I’m not prepared to deal with the side effects of my medication when I’m really bad, (drowsiness, euphoria, itchiness) I’ll have a small glass of red wine maybe about once a week. I don’t drink a lot of it, but I do notice it definitely helps to relax my sore muscles.

5) be happy!
Though things can be difficult at times, I’m truly happy and extremely privileged to live the life that I live. I’ve had a lovely upbringing, been to school, achieved great grades and I’m now studying at university and I’m expecting to finish my final year in 2015. Trying to keep happy means I take time out to do things purely for the pleasure of doing things. I like to watch rubbish telly in bed, I like to have the odd takeaway and not feel bad about it, and I like to spend time with really supportive friends and family. I’m very lucky that the university I attend is really supportive and adjusts things as and when I need. They’re truly great and I know if I’m having a particularly painful day I can inform my department and know that there’s support there if I so need it.

Living with chronic pain does mean I’m constantly accounting for ‘bad’ days or ‘bad’ parts of days. I found a theory someone came up with to describe this, and they have described it so wonderfully I don’t think I could possibly add anything more to it. It’s called the ‘Spoon Theory’ and was created by Christine Miserandino. Click on the link below to find out more:

The Spoon Theory written by Christine Miserandino

I’m aware that this has been a pretty long post, and if I’m honest I could add so much more to this and be writing for days. However, I don’t expect any of you would have the patience to read it (I know I wouldn’t!) So I’ll stop there for now.

Best wishes and I hope your week is going well!
Heather

Cerebral Palsy: what you need to know

November 7, 2014December 6, 2014 htlcyLeave a comment

When people hear that I have cerebral palsy, I (usually) get one of two responses. The first usually goes along the lines of, “wow, you’d never know, you look really well with it!” and the second is,”Cerebral palsy? I’ve heard of it, but I don’t know what it is”. Of course I’m speaking in very general terms, and it is worth mentioning that I am indeed conscious of the varying degree to which people are aware of the condition. However, I thought that it would be worthwhile to discuss the basics of cerebral palsy to further inform subsequent posts.

If we had never met before, and you were to come across me walking down the street, I’d be very impressed if you knew that there was anything ‘wrong’ with me at all. Whilst I hate using the words ‘normal’ (what constitutes normality, anyway?) ‘wrong’, and ‘different’, please bear with me! I’m hoping to make some sense to you all as it’s been a really long day! I physically don’t appear to be any different to the next person. I seem to walk perfectly normally, and appear fit and healthy. However, if you took a closer look, you might notice that I sometimes walk a little awkwardly on my right leg, and that I find my right hand a little awkward to use. So much so, I keep it tucked away in a pocket.

You see, I actually have a form of cerebral palsy called a right-sided hemiplegia. When I was born, I was premature and only weighed 2lb 11ozs. Being of low birth-weight can increase the risk of acquiring cerebral palsy, as does being part of a multiple birth, which I also was; I have a twin brother. Cerebral palsy is, in really basic terms, caused by an injury to the brain prior to, or fairly immediately after birth. I know when I was born my brain hadn’t fully developed on the left hand side, and though it did seem to recover and repair after my birth, it left me with the resulting cerebral palsy which affects (on a very basic level) my motor skills on the right hand side of my body.

When I was three I underwent an operation to ‘lengthen’ and stretch my right Achilles’ tendon. The form of cerebral palsy I have causes my muscles to be spastic, so that they’re always tight no matter when position they’re in. This operation enabled me to walk in the way that I do today, and for that I’m so grateful! I’ve also had lots of physiotherapy appointments, stretching plaster casts on my leg and, more recently, I’ve been using a splint to try to keep the muscles in my leg as stretched as possible. On painful or difficult days, I use a walking stick as I managed to find a rather pretty one. Or at least (I think) as pretty as a walking stick can be!

The main thing to note is that cerebral palsy doesn’t go away. There is no cure for cerebral palsy. And though my brain injury has already occurred, the affected muscles may continue to deteriorate over time through use and stress. My affected muscles can often become really painful because they’re constantly stiff and tight. I also have issues with my balance, with using my right hand, and my mobility, especially on ‘bad days’. There are so many other different symptoms associated with having cerebral palsy, and I’m aware of how long this post is becoming, so I’ll make sure to discuss them in other posts.

I’m sorry if this is rather dry and that this is possibly running the risk of being boring, but I felt like it was imperative for me to at least highlight the basics for you all! I hope you’ve had a wonderful week and I wish you an enjoyable weekend.

All for now,
Heather